Hits Like an Atomic Bomb
by spontaneopyrokinetic
Summary: It had finally happened. Nobody wanted to believe it at first, but it had finally happened. Starfire was dead.
1. Default Chapter

Summary: This is the saddest thing I've ever written, so if you don't have any tissues handy, don't let the disclaimer hit you on the way out. I know everything has already been written in stone in the comic books, but this is based on the TV series. Yes, this is a Raven/BB; Robin/Starfire fic, because any other way is just wrong. Genre(s): Tragedy, Romance, Humor Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. If I did, I wouldn't be sitting here right now.  
  
Chapter one: Denial It had finally happened. Nobody wanted to believe it at first, but it happened. Robin sat on the couch in the living room staring into space; he would neither eat nor speak nor do anything but sit there. Cyborg tried to make everything right again in his mind by locking himself in his room and repeating the same thing to himself over and over again: "She isn't gone. She isn't gone. She isn't gone..." Beast Boy finally snapped out of it and realized that he was just a teenager pretending to be a superhero. Even Raven was shook up. Wherever she went in the tower, things hovered around her, before bursting into millions of pieces. Starfire was dead.  
  
Beast Boy came skulking into the kitchen on the fourth day to find Raven sitting at the kitchen table. He opened the refrigerator door and the soy milk glowed black and floated out to him. "Thanks," he said in a voice very much unlike that of the usual Beast Boy. Raven didn't look up, but said, "He still hasn't moved. Ever since we got back, he's just been sitting there." Beast Boy sat down across from her and drank the milk straight out of the carton. He morphed into the kitten that Starfire loved so much and curled up on the edge of the table, cold and alone and scared. Raven got up and moved into the living room; she figured that she should at least attempt to send a transmission to those on Tamaran informing them of Starfire's death. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. As much as Raven had hated her bubbly-ness, she missed Star. She sank to her knees beside the couch, shoulders shaking in silent sobs. All over the tower, things glowed black and flew around, but she didn't care. A green kitten dodged the flying Gamestation and crawled to Raven's side, tears streaming down his face. She opened her eyes and leaned back against the couch, holding Beast Boy the kitten to her shoulder.  
  
Cyborg, who had been locked in his room for the past five days, finally got up and out into the tower. He could hear nobody anywhere, nor could he see anything glowing black and exploding. He walked slowly down the stairs. Clunk. Clunk. Clunk. The sound of his footsteps echoed throughout the main room of the tower, but didn't wake the other three Titans, who had finally fallen asleep. Robin was slumped over on the couch with a blanket across his shoulders. Raven and Beast Boy (who was no longer a kitten) were curled up together unknowingly on the floor beside the couch on the opposite end from Robin. Cyborg clunked over to the window and stared out at the cloudy bay of Jump City. From where he was, he could not see the rest of Jump City, but he could tell that the cheerful citizens didn't know what had happened. Behind him, Raven stirred in her sleep, and Beast Boy's arm slipped around her waist. Cyborg thought of the blackmail that he would be entitled to if he took a picture of this, but he decided not to. He just didn't feel like it. He didn't feel like much lately. He was still standing at the window when Raven awoke, Beast Boy's arm still around her waist. "No matter how many times you tell yourself otherwise, she's gone, isn't she?" Cyborg asked her. "I guess so." Beast Boy stirred, and Raven ran her fingers through his hair absentmindedly. "I don't want to believe it, but she's gone. She's—dead." Cyborg came and sat on the step down into the living room from the kitchen by the couch. "Now what?" he asked. "What do you mean, now what?" "It ain't likely that the Teen Titans will ever be the same. Especially Robin. He loved her, you know. She was like a sister to the rest of us." Beast Boy surprised them both by saying, "I don't want her to go." He hugged Raven a little tighter, a tear falling from his eye to her shoulder.  
  
"I thought you were still asleep," said Raven, removing her hand from his head. "Not anymore." Robin moved on the couch, and a tear ran down his nose to land on the carpet. He opened his eyes and looked around. He sat halfway up and saw Cyborg sitting on the step down. "Mornin', sunshine," said Cyborg gloomily. Robin didn't respond, but another tear fell to his lap. Everyone sat like so for close to ten minutes, the silence broken only by occasional sniffs from Beast Boy. Suddenly, The TV flickered on with an incoming alert. It was Slade. From wherever he was, he looked around at those in the tower's main room. "Why so glum, Titans? Surely you're not still moping about the loss of your little Tamaranian friend, are you? Robin, I told you what would happen if you didn't do what I said. Now look at yourself. You haven't eaten in days, haven't said anything, either." He looked over at Cyborg. "And you've neglected to polish yourself, my fine robot." Slade's attention turned to Raven and Beast Boy, who had disentangled themselves from each other, but were still sitting quite close; Beast Boy still had his right arm around the back of Raven's waist. "But Birdy and the Beast look fine to me. They're getting over Robin's loss of a romantic relationship by starting one of their own." Beast Boy quickly removed his arm from Raven's waist, and a lamp exploded across the room. "Touchy, aren't you, Raven? That lamp looked expensive." Raven said back to him in a venomous voice, "Go to hell. You and my father would get along just fine." Slade promptly returned his attention to Robin, who spoke for the first time since he saw Starfire fall from the dusky sky. "You killed Starfire. Give me three days, and I'll come kill you." The other Titans were quite startled by this news. Sure, they knew he was mad...fighting mad...but could he actually kill Slade? [A/N: That was really long. I didn't mean for it to be that long, but it is, and long it shall stay. As of now, I do have chapter two written and I'll try to post it as soon as I can.] 


	2. What if God was One of Us

Chapter two: What if God was one of us...?  
  
Disclaimer: I know, I know, I don't own the song "One of Us" by Joan Osborne...come to think of it, I still don't own anything...  
  
Raven and Beast Boy were the only Titans present at the funeral, though literally every citizen of Jump City was there. From the mayor to some prison inmates, every citizen was present for the funeral of the only Tamaranian left in the quadrant. Raven and Beast Boy both spoke about Starfire's life, and how she would be missed as a Titan and a friend... After the funeral, Raven decided to walk around the park for a while. She saw people—couples, to be more precise, walking around in the chill late fall air, returning home after the funeral. Tears fell in near puddles all over the white sidewalks and sobs rang out above the nearly absent twittering of birds. It seemed like one of those scenes in movies where everyone is humming the same sad tune, and the sound can be heard all around the character that is being focused on. A young couple with a boy who looked to be about six years old walked past. Raven could hear the little boy asking his mother why everyone was so sad. "We just—it's not important. You're out of school tomorrow on a remembrance day, so be happy," his mother said in a voice laden with sadness at the loss of a hero and exasperation at her son's ignorance. Raven felt an itching desire to enjoy watching the woman's blood mix with tears on the sidewalk. But she did no such thing, preferring instead to head over to the furthest part of the park; the highest bank of the bay, a steep cliff falling sheer into Jump City Bay. Beast Boy was already there, leaning on the safety rail and staring out at the horizon. Raven came up beside him, also leaning on the rail park officials had placed there for the safety of the citizens of Jump City. "I guess she really is gone, huh?" asked Beast Boy listlessly. "Apparently so. I wonder just how Robin's going to kill Slade. I want to watch." "Isn't that a little cruel?" "I guess. But I don't care. I just question the future of the Teen Titans. We will still be friends and everything, but we won't be the same, just like Cyborg said." A voice interrupted the duo's musings from behind. "If I may politely interject?" Raven and Beast Boy turned around to see a young woman they had not seen at the funeral. "What do you want?" asked Beast Boy. "I just want to ask something." She paused. Raven nodded, so she continued. "When did the future of Jump City switch from being a promise to being a threat? When the Teen Titans arrived, we thought our troubles were over. Now they have been defeated, and we wonder whether or not Tomorrow will come after all. If Starfire can be killed, who knows what will happen next? Now, anything could happen." Through the light mist that was now falling, shadows of other citizens dressed in black could be seen moving behind the speaking girl, who continued. "I just want to know if the Teen Titans are finished or not." Beast Boy spoke for Raven, who had turned away, preferring not to think about their future at the moment. "We would never split up. How can you even think about something like that?" The girl turned and left as lightning flashed across the sky and rain began falling softly over the park. Beast Boy returned to his place beside Raven leaning against the railing, only a little closer this time. He put a warm arm around her shoulders as a tear fell from her eye all the way down the cliff to mingle with the seawater. Training with Cyborg siphoned off some of Robin's anger and he could think a little clearer. He was going to kill Slade, whatever it took, even if it meant killing himself in the process. * Flashback to seven days before* In some cliffy area beside the ocean around Jump City, the Teen Titans fight Slade. Raven puts up a shield around herself and Beast boy as they are attacked by too many robots at once. Cyborg blasts them away with his sonic cannon, while Starfire blasts away some more with starbolts. Robin nearly lands a good punch to Slade, but he dodges. Flipping backwards, Slade pulls out a gun and aims at Robin. In almost slow-motion, a robot runs between Robin and Slade. Before either villain or Boy Wonder can react, Slade pulls the trigger just as Starfire swoops after the robot. Time speeds up again and Starfire falls to the ground with a sickening thud. *end flashback* Lost in thought, Robin kicked Cyborg a little too hard. Cyborg went flying into the opposite wall, shaking the whole tower. "Sorry. Are you okay?" asked Robin. Cyborg groaned. "Maybe we should take a break, Robin." Robin nodded and helped his friend up. In the kitchen, they found Raven sipping her tea at the table. "How was the funeral?" asked Cyborg, unsure what her reaction would be. "It was cold. The entire city was there." Robin jumped as the toaster glowed black and exploded in front of him. Cyborg flopped down next to a kitten Beast Boy, who was curled up again on the couch. Robin also sat down on the other side of Cyborg. Raven sat down on the other side of Beast Boy. Again, all four Titans sit in silence until the TV clicks on again. But this time, it held no warning. It was just the news. A female reporter came on and began the broadcast. "And a massive black parade was seen in the streets today to mourn the death of Teen Titan Starfire. It is estimated that close to fifty thousand people attended the young Tamaranian girl's funeral, though only two of them were fellow Titans, Beast Boy and Raven." The reporter sniffed and wiped her eye before continuing. "Sorry about that. We would now like to take a minute of silence to remember the Teen Titan called Starfire, killed on November 24, 2003 by yet unknown sources." The reporter could be seen ducking out of the picture, mascara running, before an orange screen came on, with the words "We will always remember Star Fire." Tears ran down Robin's face silently. Cyborg started muttering again, "She's not gone...She's not gone...She's not gone..." Kitten Beast Boy jumped into Raven's arms. His green eyes brimmed with salty tears as he buried his head in her arms. Objects all over Titans Tower glowed black and hovered. Tears ran unchecked down Raven's face as she cried. She thought they would at least get her name right.  
  
When the news came back on after the minute of silence, Cyborg wandered off Heaven knows where, still mumbling "She isn't gone. She isn't gone." Robin followed him Heaven knows where to keep training. Things gradually settled down and no longer glowed with black energy, but tears still ran down Raven's face as Beast Boy jumped back onto the couch beside her, tears pouring down his face. He leaned back, and they both cried silently until Raven fell asleep, leaning against Beast Boy, who wrapped his arms around her without thinking about it.  
  
Raven awoke later to the feeling of being warm and safe in someone's arms. Without even thinking, she knew it was Beast Boy. And she was glad. Well, maybe not glad, because if she had been glad, the whole tower would have gone up in smoke...but she liked the feeling nonetheless. She snuggled deeper into his embrace and thought more about the current situation. Starfire was dead. Robin was sure as hell gonna get revenge. Cyborg was suffering severe mental rust. Beast Boy and Raven were falling in love. And Starfire was dead. 


	3. Vengeance is a funny word

Chapter three: Vengeance is a funny word. [Disclaimer: I neither created nor own Teen Titans. Damn. I also don't own the quote in this by Stan Lee. Damn again.] He just couldn't wait for the three days he had promised. Robin would meet Slade now. He would pay for killing Starfire.  
  
"Where's Robin?" asked a glum Cyborg. Beast Boy opened his eyes and stared over Raven's head at Cyborg. "How should I know? I've been asleep the last six hours." "Yeah, good luck with that. I'll go look for him again." It took a moment for what Cy had said to sink in. "Hey!" he yelled at the empty space where Cyborg had been a moment ago. "That's not funny." "What's not funny?" asked Raven sleepily. "Cyborg said—nothing." "Cyborg said what?" "Nothing, it's not important." "Whatever. "Raven?" "What." "I can't believe I'm saying this, but...I...sort of...well, Ravenilikeyou." "Huh?" "I...like you. A lot. (Please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me...)" "It's okay. I love you, too." A tear ran down her face, and Beast Boy wiped it away. "What's wrong?" "I was just thinking that if Starfire was here, she'd cook up some "Cake of Happiness" or something." Another tear ran down her face, and something exploded in the kitchen. (I am so tempted to say 'meanwhile, back at the ranch...' but I won't.) Robin ran through the shadows of Jump City, following Slade's satellite signal like a bloodhound. Though he had been running well over an hour, he wasn't even breathing hard. He had energy fueled by anger, and would stop at nothing to avenge his Starfire. When he reached the warehouse Slade currently occupied, Robin slowed to a stop in the back under a streetlight, and prepared to climb in through a broken window. "No need to go through all that trouble, Robin. We can fight out here, if you would prefer," came a cold voice from behind. Robin ducked as a silver boot slammed into the wall in front of him. Thinking fast, he grabbed Slade's foot and flipped him over onto his back and delivered him a swift kick to the face in passing from one end of him to the other. But like always, Slade just bounced back up. "Well, I wasn't quite expecting that kind of power," said Slade. "With great anger comes infinite power," quoted Robin. "And yet, with great power comes great responsibility," quoted Slade right back. "What exactly do you mean by that, you murdering—" "Now, now, Robin...let's not resort to name calling. I mean that if you kill me, you'll be on trial for murder yourself." Robin seemed to mull this over for but a second as Slade attacked again. As Slade's fist flew in to connect with the side of his head, Robin grabbed the armored arm and used Slade's own weight against him by throwing the villain head over heels into the side of a dumpster. "Even if I don't kill you, I'll hit you harder than Linux Lewis on steroids," threatened Robin. Slade stood up slowly. He didn't get far before Robin landed a spectacular flying kick to his stomach; Slade fairly flew across the space under the streetlight and out into the shadows. Pictures of Starfire's smiling face flashed through Robin's mind as he continued to pommel Slade, neither keeping track of nor caring how many times he was hit.  
  
Cyborg, who had figured out what must have happened, followed the homing signal from Robin's communicator to the warehouse. When he entered the circle of light created by the now flickering streetlight, he nearly gagged. Both villain and Boy Wonder were lying motionless in the center of a vast pool of blood. Just from looking at his broken body, Cyborg could tell that there was no possible way Slade could still be alive. But Robin...was he alive or dead? He lay twisted and unconscious, covered in blood that was both his own and Slade's. Cyborg splashed through the blood over to Robin and began to pick him up. Robin groaned as Cyborg stood to his full height again and dashed back towards Titans Tower. Robin felt limp to Cyborg, and heat was rapidly fading from his wrecked body.  
  
Even though it was almost midnight, Beast Boy and Raven were sitting in the main room with nothing to do. When Cyborg staggered in, however, things changed drastically. "Why'd you bring him back here? The only way I can help is to get him to the hospital faster than you," said Raven, as she levitated Robin and herself out of the tower to the hospital. On the way, Raven noticed that Robin was more badly injured than Cyborg had guessed. He was bleeding in more places than were countable, it looked like he had broken his left arm, and he had bruises all over his face. He was still unconscious, and it hurt Raven to see her friend in such pain. She flew faster.  
  
When Robin awoke, it was to see Cyborg looking at him apprehensively. "Guys, he's awake!" Cyborg said. Raven and Beast Boy entered the room, relieved looks on their faces. "How long was I out for?" asked Robin. "Close to two days. You broke both arms and one leg, three ribs are cracked, and you sustained a minor concussion. But that's not the good news. The police department let you off on the technicality that Slade would've got the death penalty anyways. You mangled him good." Robin turned to look out the window at the cloudy sky. Somehow, he felt that he hadn't done right. He felt like maybe...he shouldn't have killed Slade... After they visited Robin, Raven and Beast Boy left the hospital and found themselves back in the park. Standing on the edge of the cliff, Raven stared out at the cloudy horizon. "What's up?" asked Beast Boy. "I was just thinking about you. And me, and...us in general." "What about us?" "Nothing in particular, just...I feel sort of guilty about being together so soon after Robin lost Starfire. He really loved her." "But I really love you, so—" "I just wonder what he thinks of it." "Should it matter?" "Pardon?" "Since when do you care about what other people think of you?" "You're right." Raven stepped closer to Beast Boy and threw her arms about his neck. He hesitated for but a moment before hugging her also, snow beginning to fall around them. [A/N: Sappy, I know, but the next chapter kicks a fair amount of ass. Then again, it might turn mushy like this one...All Hail the Crappy Writing of the Apocalypse!!!] 


	4. My Immortal

Chapter four: My Immortal [Disclaimer: Get off my back, I know good and well that I don't own the song "My Immortal" by Evanescence, so just give it a rest, will ya? Oh, yeah. I don't own Teen Titans, either, but if I did the clouds would be jealous!! ^___^ ] It had been nearly a month since Robin's fight with Slade. He was healing fine, and was even allowed to come back to Titans Tower to make the rest of his recovery. He spent most of his time on the roof, looking out at the ocean and thinking about different things. Sometimes it was Starfire, sometimes it was the relationship between Raven and Beast Boy, and sometimes it was absolutely nothing at all. Most of the time, though, he thought about Starfire. How she laughed, how she questioned the things she did not understand, and how she just...was. She had been beautiful in his eyes, even for all her naïveté. Some would have thought of it as stupidity or ignorance, but it wasn't like she had been born on this planet. She was from another planet, in another galaxy...and she had loved this planet, and the people who lived there. Robin had been to see Starfire's grave. It was beautiful. It resembled a float in the Rose Parade, given that every florist in Jump City had donated flowers of all kinds. Though it was the middle of winter, they had been able to get roses, sunflowers, daisies, chrysanthemums, and lilies, among countless others that Robin could not name. The headstone was engraved with a line from Starfire's favorite book, Through the Looking Glass: "The time has come, said the Walrus, to talk of many things. Of shoes and ships and sealing-wax. Of cabbages and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings." It was wrestled out of Robin before the funeral, and under the quote were the words "Beloved Titan, Departed This World 2003." Robin had decided that if he thought of Starfire, he wouldn't cry anymore. He would think of the things that made him think of her in the first place, the things he loved about her. Then it all hit him at once. Why he had felt remorse for killing Slade. Starfire didn't know what in all heck revenge was in the first place. She might not have even wanted him to have done what he did. It certainly had been satisfying, but it earned him a hospital bill close on ten thousand dollars. But from where she was, there was nothing Starfire could do about it. Robin had avenged her death and that's all there was to it.  
  
"Robin? Mind if I join you?" Raven called from the door onto the roof. Robin nodded from where he was sitting on the edge of the roof. "Are you sure you should be sitting up here? You've still got casts on both arms and one leg." Robin nodded. "No, I'm fine. But you know, it's just when you get time to think you realize just how much you can think." Raven was silent as they both stared out at the setting sun across the waves. The city behind them was still blanketed in snow, but the sunset was spectacular from the top of the tower. "I know I really shouldn't care, and this might be a rather imposing question, but how exactly do you feel about me and Beast Boy?" asked Raven after several minutes. When he looked at her somewhat queerly, she added, "I'm just curious." Robin turned his head back out towards the ocean and sighed. "To be completely honest, I guess I'm glad for you. But at the same time, I wish that Starfire and I could have at least gone on a real date." He smiled faintly. "But we haven't even done that. The first time we kissed, the refrigerator exploded. The second time, we had to replace several different appliances. We don't dare go out on actual dates. At least not yet."  
  
"You told him about THAT?!" "Well, what did you expect? It came up in the conversation." Beast Boy flopped down on the couch and further lamented his plight. "That was sort of private, you know! Are you going to tell him everything that goes on in our lives?" Raven folded her arms and stared the green boy down. "Of course not. He doesn't have the right to know, but I can tell him if I want. Why are you making such a big deal out of this?" "I don't know." Raven sat down next to Beast Boy and leaned back, staring at the blank TV screen. But it wasn't blank for long. Yet again, the screen flashed on of its own accord. "Are we ever gonna get that fixed?" asked Beast Boy. It was the news again. The same reporter as had reported Starfire's funeral was reporting on a huge riot going on downtown. "Police have thus far been unable to report on the situation, but the circumstances have appeared to have gotten out of control. The one question on everyone's mind is: Where are the Titans?" The broadcast was cut short by a flashing red screen and transmission from the chief of police. "Now they tell us. Cy, let's roll!"  
  
"Is it fair to the people who write the dictionary to call that an uneventful riot?" asked Beast Boy when they returned. Cyborg landed heavily on the couch, preparing for an all-out gamestation war with Beast Boy. "Who does write the dictionary?" "Huh?" "Sorry. Space-out. BB, you up for a gamestation war?" "Move over, future winner coming through!" yelled Beast Boy, grabbing a controller. "Raven, you gonna watch?" he asked. She quickly considered the choices. "Pass."  
  
Robin was still up on the roof, dark as it was. "Robin? Why are you still out here?" asked Raven. No answer. "Robin? Are you okay?" She walked up to the teenager and placed her hand on his shoulder. Even through his shirt, she could feel that his skin was ice cold. A wave crashed particularly violently on the shore far below as she temporarily lost control of her emotions for a second. She knelt beside her friend and noticed for the first time that he did not appear to be conscious, but the various bandages, splints, and casts that he still wore were propping him up. Raven picked him up, surprised at how light he was even with all the casts. She didn't even bother wasting time on informing the other two Titans, and instead flew him directly to the hospital. Flying over Jump City, Raven tried to awaken Robin to no avail. "Robin, wake up. Robin, please wake up. What is wrong with you? You were fine when we left...I don't understand. Robin, please wake up..."  
  
"Where were you? I didn't even hear you leave." asked Beast Boy, attention not wavering from the TV screen. Raven, looking somewhat the worse for wear, stormed over to and unplugged the gamestation. "Hey!" yelled Cyborg and Beast Boy simultaneously. Raven pointed to the screen, which was playing the backed-up message that she had sent while flying over the city via her communicator. "Beast Boy, Cyborg, Robin's sick. I can't get him to wake up. I'm taking him to the hospital. I swear, Beast Boy...if you're still playing Gamestation when I get back and I find this message backed up—" The message cut off. "Is he okay?" asked Cyborg, setting aside his controller. "They haven't found anything out yet, but it doesn't make any sense. He's colder than the grave, comatose, and was just fine before we left to go sort out the riot. It was like he was the awakened dead. I don't get it. But there is something seriously wrong with him." Raven turned to the stairs and started to go up to her room. "Oh, and Beast Boy—" she returned to the couch. She whacked him upside the head. "What was that for?" "That was for playing Gamestation for two hours straight." "Then why aren't you getting mad at Cyborg, too?" "Because you were winning and didn't have the sense to quit while you were ahead. Good night." After he was sure that his girlfriend was out of earshot, Beast Boy whispered to Cyborg, "How'd she know I was winning?" "The score was right there on the screen when she came in, man. Duh." [A/N: That was...unexpected. Even for me. I used to have a plan to go along with this, but now I'm making things up as I go. Don't worry; I won't kill off Robin as well! At least I don't plan on it...MWAHAHAHAHA!! *cough, cough, hack cough*] 


	5. A fight for more than life

Chapter five: A fight for more than life [Disclaimer: Why must I write anything after that word? Is it not self- explanatory? I don't own Teen Titans, OK? If I did, um...uh...something would happen...] Robin awoke in the hospital not feeling quite like himself. He could remember talking to Raven, and the others leaving for town, and the sun setting, but then he remembered nothing but dusk and then dark. He tried to sit up, but his head spun faster than a cheetah in a Ferrari. He very promptly returned his head to the pillow. A nurse entered the room holding a clipboard. She wore a white uniform and an extraordinarily fake smile. "I had hoped not to see you back so soon, Robin," she said, going over to check his vitals. "Before you ask, you were out for three weeks. You've been in a coma. We're still not sure what was wrong with you. Your friends have come to visit every single day. With any luck, you'll be out of here tomorrow. If tradition holds true, the other Titans should be here any minute." Tradition held true.  
  
"Hey, man. You feelin' better?" asked Cyborg. "Yeah, I can go home tomorrow." "Good. I'm getting tired of beatin' Beast Boy every time I play gamestation. I need a challenge." "Hey! That's not fair," said Beast Boy. "I win sometimes." "That was only once, and you knocked the controller out of my hands."  
  
Back at the tower (after kicking Cyborg's butt at six different games), Robin found himself once again on the roof. (Don't ask why; the roof is a good place.) Out over the sea, a gull winged out over the waves, diving into the water. A look of longing flickered across Robin's face. No. He would not think about wanting her back alive. He wanted to think of her, but that was the only thing he could think of about her. Robin wanted to remember the good things about her, and not the hole he felt inside himself from losing her. From deep within his heart, Starfire's face smiled, and her laughter rang like thousands of bells on the breeze. But the warmth that her smile radiated did not reach the rest of him; his heart, his mind, his very soul. Robin neither knew nor really wanted to know how the other Titans were faring, but he did want Starfire back. Robin! Huh? Robin, what do you mean, you want me back? Where have I gone? Star?! Tell me, where have I gone? Um— Exactly. I have not left you, I am merely—well, I will not say that I am on vacation, because I will not be coming back. But I am both with you and not with you. Our friends—your friends—need you to be happy. Especially Raven and Beast Boy, for they would never even get together in the first place if they thought you would not be happy also. I want you to be happy, if not for them, but for me. But I need you back with me. I love you, Starfire. I love you too. But it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live. J. K. Rowling? Yes, an author. I did not really understand the book but that is irrelevant. I want you to think about me, but not like you have been. You have let your memories of me consume your thoughts. Think about and enjoy the company of our fellow Titans. Keep on in the legacy of the Teen Titans. Help the city. But I— It does not matter. Do good. Don't you mean 'Do well?' No. Do good. And with that, Robin snapped out of it, awaking in his room. Raven's head poked in through the door. "How long was I out for this time?" he asked. "Just a few hours. You weren't ice-cold this time, so Beast Boy just brought you downstairs. What happened? Do you remember this time?" "Sort of. It was Starfire" "You were thinking about her?" "No, I talked to her." "What did she say?" "She told me to do good. And I think she has hope for you and Beast Boy." What could have been mistaken for a chuckle was heard as Raven left. [A/N: Don't hurt me!! I know it was really short, but I have things planned that will surprise you! At least I hope they will... 


	6. Oops!

Chapter six: Oops. [Disclaimer: OK, how do I put this bluntly yet politely......I DON'T OWN THE FREAKIN' SHOW, A'IGHT? IF YOU SAY THAT I DO AND END UP GETTING ME SUED, I WILL PERSONALLY KEELHAUL YOU!!! Enjoy the story and have a nice day. A/N: I haven't seen much written about Jinx, so I'm doing my best here. Cut me some slack, people!]  
  
Robin smiled and reminded himself, 'Grin and bear it, Robin, just a few more hours...' as he caught the football from Cyborg and saw, out of the corner of his eye, Beast Boy trying to get Raven to eat a tofu hotdog. One of the other boys they were playing with caught Robin in a flying tackle as he went for the touchdown. "Okay, get off, get off! You stopped me already! Get off!" Robin yelled from underneath the behemoth of a boy. It had been about three weeks since he got all his casts off, and snow was still on the ground in the middle of February. He had done his best to do as Starfire had wished, he really had, but he always ended up feeling a stab of jealousy whenever he saw Raven and Beast Boy together. He found himself thinking bitterly, 'So they're together, big deal, but do they have to be together in front of me?' And then, his shoulder-angel interrupted his acrimonious comments with a chastising, 'Robin, they're your friends. Don't be so hostile.' "Robin! You playin'?" called Cyborg. "Nah, I'm sitting this one out." They called in another player and Robin went to sit across from Raven and Beast Boy. "Please?" "No." "Please? "No." "PLEASE??" "Beast Boy, I refuse to eat that—whatever you're calling it." "It's tofu. You don't expect me to eat a real hotdog, do you? It's meat! Hey, Robin. Will you tell her to at least try it?" said Beast Boy as Robin sat down. Robin's head was screaming, 'Go jump up a rope, both of you.' but he ended up saying, "If she doesn't want to eat the tofu, she doesn't have to. I know I wouldn't." "Hey!"  
  
(Again, I shall refrain from saying 'Meanwhile, back at the ranch,' just to please my adoring fans. And it isn't meanwhile, it's a few hours later.) Robin collapsed on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Go jump up a rope was right; Raven and Beast Boy were getting on his nerves. If they would just stop acting like they did when they were around him, that would be enough. They could act however they damn well wanted when he wasn't around, but just not around him. It reminded him of Starfire. Robin snapped out of it as his communicator started beeping. (*Teen Titans theme song* --gotta love it. PUFFY AMI YUMI is pretty cool.) Robbery, nothing big—or so he thought.  
  
It was Jinx (of the H.I.V.E.). How she had escaped prison was beyond any of the Titans, but they oh-welled it in favor of a fight. The first to go down was Robin. Jinx took him out with a single hex. Cyborg rushed her from behind, but slammed into an invisible barrier. Titan two, out like a light. Beast Boy and Raven tackled her at the same time, but Jinx somehow knocked them both back. She prepared to escape, but was held back by a band of black energy. Nani? She had knocked all the Titans out cold...Raven. Baka hanyou. No matter. Jinx half smiled as she prepared her most powerful spell. Raven struggled to keep her hold on the sorceress. "Stupid Titan, you can't defeat me," said Jinx as she let go the explosion of pink energy. Raven gritted her teeth against the force of the explosion, putting as much of her ki as she could into a return attack, yelling back at the same time, "Doushitenano?!" Beast Boy raised his head slightly as the concussion of the attack rushed towards him. Had he kept his head down, he would have been missed by the black energy. But he wasn't missed. The last thing he saw for a while was Jinx's dissipating attack.  
  
What the hell had he been thinking, raising his head while she was attacking? If Beast Boy had just kept his head down, Raven wouldn't be acting like she was now. Cyborg was forced to guard Beast Boy's door day and night to keep her from disturbing his recovery. "Can I just see him once?" asked Raven, a lightbulb glowing black and blowing out behind her in the hallway. "No. You can see him later, but go away for now." At seeing the hurt look on Raven's face, Cyborg softened his tone. "Rae, I know you're worried about him. We all are. But you can't be with him 24/7. Go on." Raven turned and left. The next thing she knew, Raven was in the park. (You thought I would say that she was on the roof because I'm terribly predictable, didn't you? Just goes to show you, I'm not as predictable as you would like. So there, ha.) She stood on the cliff across the bay from the tower and looked back at it. Beast Boy was going to be okay...he was recovering steadily, but Raven had been so scared for a while. Jinx had been completely destroyed, and that was a good thing, but it was her fault he almost died. Had Robin felt this way? It was, after all, his fault Starfire died. And this now was her fault. [A/N: Oh, how my writing has begun to die a slow and painful death...CRAPPY WRITING OF THE APOCALYPSE!!!!! What do you think?? Sayonara, minna-san!! Domo arigatou!!!] 


	7. Jealousy rears its ugly head

Chapter seven: Jealousy rears its ugly head [Disclaimer: How many times must I tell you, I don't own Teen Titans!!!!(] Perhaps he was being selfish, but Robin didn't care. He didn't think Raven should have been making such a big deal of the whole thing. He knew it was his fault Starfire was dead, but Beast Boy was still alive, wasn't he? Raven should just get over it and let him recover. But she couldn't. She couldn't shake off the feeling of engulfing guilt she felt all around her. While she watched the sun set over the bay, a tear ran down Raven's cheek. Was this how Robin had felt? No, that had distinctly been worse, even just watching from the outside. Raven was trying to keep herself together and not make anything explode, but it was hard. What would she have done if her attack had killed Beast Boy? How had Robin gotten through it? Was he stronger than her? Surely not. He hadn't spent years meticulously cultivating his mind to specific conditions as Raven had. She'd had to. If she hadn't, she'd have blown all of Azarath to oblivion. Then how had he dealt with himself? The other titans hadn't held him personally responsible for the death of Starfire, being too wrapped up in grief to do much of anything, and nobody blamed her for anything now, but Raven held herself responsible for what happened. Robin had had quite enough. He finally snapped. "Raven, would you snap out of it already!" he yelled across the roof of Titans Tower at his teammate. "Snap out of what?" she called back surprisingly calmly, opening her eyes. "The sulking about Beast Boy thing! He'll be fine!" "But it's still my fault. I'll never be able to forgive myself for what I did. Think about it. Will you ever forgive yourself for what you did?" Immediately, Raven knew she had said the wrong thing. Robin stared at her bitterly. "What do you think? You only wounded Beast Boy, but Starfire is dead. Beast Boy is going to be okay, but Starfire is never coming back. Waraenai episoudo." "That goes without saying, but how did you live with yourself?" "I didn't. I haven't felt normal for four months. First there was Starfire, then you and Beast Boy, then—" "What about me and Beast Boy?" asked Raven, thoroughly perplexed. "You seemed to be okay with us." Robin was cornered. "Uh...well, I..." "Out with it, Robin." "Well, I hate to say it, but I'm jealous. Starfire and I never got the chance to officially go out, but Beast Boy and you are officially boyfriend and girlfriend." He sat down on the edge of the roof and stared out at the sunset with Raven. A tear ran down his cheek as the silence of dusk enveloped the bay, enclosing two Titans in its quiet embrace. Raven finally shattered the silence nervously. "I'm sorry." "For what?" "For assuming that you were okay with Beast Boy and me. I should have asked. Which brings up the question, even if it hadn't been so soon after Starfire's death, would you feel the same way?" Robin was silent for a few minutes. "Robin?" "I'm thinking...I probably would have been more okay with it, but still majorly weirded out." "Why?" "Because you're not one to give off an air of being capable of loving someone." Now it was Raven's turn to be silent. "Raven?" "But I do love him. I enjoy being around him, and we have more in common than we let on, and...and...I don't know. I don't really have anything else to say, other than I'm sorry again." "Don't be. The whole mess is my own fault." "No, it isn't. Any one of us could have stepped in and helped you fight Slade, but we didn't. We thought you could handle it, but I guess...oops." Raven found herself thinking 'Open mouth, insert foot...' "Are you saying I can't handle a fight with Slade?" asked Robin defensively. "Because I was out there killing him while you were still lamenting over Starfire." "Robin, I—" "No, I don't want to hear it. 'Bye."  
  
Well that went well. Surprisingly well, in fact. You knew it was going to happen, Raven, you can't deny it. It had to happen sooner or later. But is that how he really feels? I didn't risk going into his mind. You have to decide that. I do not know, myself. I wish that I did. I wish that I could be there for him still today, but I cannot. Yeah, and that's his fault. Open mouth, insert foot. Again. It does not matter. What doesn't matter? What I said, or— Either. It does not matter what you thought and it does not matter whose fault it is that I am where I am. Though I would much rather be alive, I am okay where I am. I wish Robin would...grow up, however. He is spending too much time trying to decide where to drop the blame he carries, so that he does not have to deal with it. Tell him he should not be like this. Why do I have to tell him? Because Cyborg has no clue what is going on, Beast Boy is still not well, and if I talk to him again, it might kill him. Shit. Okay then.  
  
"Robin?" Robin was playing gamestation furiously, eyes never wavering from the screen. He had avoided everyone, not just Raven, for the past three days. "Robin? We need to talk." "There is nothing to talk about." "Yes there is. Don't make me do this..." "Do what? *pause* Hey!" Raven had had about enough and unplugged the gamestation. Robin's clothes glowed black and he floated across the living room to Raven. "I agree with Starfire in the fact that you need to grow up." "You talked to her?" "Three days ago, and she wants you to know that you desperately need to let it go. She still loves you, and there's no doubt in my mind that you still love her. There are just a couple of dimensional rifts between Earth and Tamaranian Heaven." 


	8. Revelations

Chapter eight: Revelations [Disclaimer: Teen Titans does not belong to me or any of my alter egos. It belongs to other, more important people. Cruel fate, that I should have no work of literary/cinematic art to my name!!]  
  
Why him? Why did it always have to be Beast Boy that was left out of everything? All the time he had been recovering, things had been going on with the other Titans that he didn't know about. He was totally clueless. Clueless, but happy.  
  
Robin stormed through the tower, mad as a wet bluejay. He shoved Beast Boy aside on his way to the living room, scowling. "Robin? What's up?" "As if you didn't know," muttered Robin. Beast Boy decided not to ask. Whatever it was, Robin wasn't happy about it. In his wake, Raven also shoved Beast Boy aside, less angry but still irritated. "What is going on with everybody today?" yelled Beast Boy helplessly. Robin called from the couch, "You should know. It's because of you." "Leave him out of this!" "What, like it has nothing to do with him?" "No, it has everything to do with him, but that's not my point." "Then what in all hell is your point?" "My point, and Starfire's as well, is that you need to get a grip on reality and hold on as tight as your human hands will allow! There's nothing you can do about it short of disbanding the Titans." A confused, shocked, and horrified look crept across Beast Boy's face as he watched the argument. Disband the Titans? Just how long had he been asleep? "Raven? Robin? What are you talking about?" Beast Boy asked timidly. "Leave 'em alone, man. They'll be arguing like this for hours," said Cyborg from the general direction of the fridge. "But what are they arguing about?" asked Beast Boy, grabbing the milk from around Cyborg. "I try to stay out of it myself, but they're arguing over whose fault something or other was, I think. You do realize that was real milk, right?" Cyborg ducked as milk came flying over his head in a horizontal waterfall. "You could've told me about that sooner, Cy."  
  
The sunset was masked by clouds that evening, but Beast Boy and Raven stood on the cliff in the park nonetheless. The silence was deafening to Beast Boy's ears as Raven stared blankly out at the ocean bordering Jump City. "Raven?" There was a hint of nervousness in Beast Boy's voice. "What?" answered Raven, calm and composed as usual. "What are you and Robin fighting about? Whatever it is, it seems important." "It is. We're basically debating on whether or not he really loves Starfire enough to admit he's happy about you and me being together. He's jealous, and he knows it. For some reason, the fact that he's jealous doesn't bother him so much as the cause of his jealousy. He doesn't understand why I feel so bad for almost killing you when he felt just as bad for actually killing Starfire." "Maybe we love each other more than they did."  
  
END [A/N: Well? Whatcha think? TELL ME!!! OR ANGRY CLOWNS SHALL MAUL YOU BEYOND RECOGNITION!!! whoa. randomosity. Cool!] 


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